About three years ago, I blogged about a book I read called “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” by Joanna Weaver. A sister-friend of mine highly recommended it to me. My friend, I will call her “Mary” for the purpose of this piece. Like the biblical figure to this day she exhibits characteristics that mirror that of Mary; the ultimate worshipper desiring only to lie at the Master’s feet and serve him in excellence with a pure heart.
To tell you the truth I don’t know who outside of the Holy Spirit could have motivated my modern day Mary to recommend this particular book to me. It was such an on time read. Just 6 months earlier I had been released from my last full-time ministry position and I had begun serving only three months after that again in volunteer ministry leadership. I was looking for new fulltime employment, working on writing my first book “Poetry of a Black Girl Volume One: The Darkness and the Light” and had begun a renewed platonic WORD based friendship with my now fiancé. A lot was happening in my world.
Taking the time out to read the book and other similar titles was really beneficial to my personal and spiritual development.
After I was released I began the process of getting my focus back on track and rediscovering God’s purpose for my life. One of the first books I actually picked up and read thoroughly was Joyce Meyer’s “Approval Addiction”. Next was a series of titles by Dr. John C. Maxwell “The Winning Attitude”, “The Difference Maker” and “Being a People Person”. I also began to read over some of my favorite books of the Bible in different translations, Samuel 1 and 2, Kings 1, Kings 2, Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther, Job, Proverbs and 1 and 2 Corinthians. I rented Christian movies only from Netflix and dug deep in my personal message archives keeping on repeat messages on topics like Grace, Humility, Anger, gaining wisdom from God and dealing with emotions.
Looking back with hindsight I can honestly say at that particular time in my life, I felt as if I had something to prove; to myself, God and to all my haters. My haters were not actual people; they were feelings of failure, disappointment, shame and mistrust. Feelings I no longer wanted to have.
I was so hungry for the WORD. I was Martha reformed and what I desired more than anything was busying myself getting to know my Lord more.
© 2012 Lela Jefferson – http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com
Psalm 45: 1 (Amplified) MY HEART overflows with a [a]goodly theme; I address my psalm to a King. My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.
“Spiritual Vomit”!?!? What the heck is that you may be asking…? Does it sound gross to you? It should. The repercussions that come from not purging your soul, can cause you to have unexpected verbal accidents.
As I have been taught, man is a tri-part being he is a spirit that possesses a soul/heart (where his thinker, feeler, and chooser reside) and he has and lives in body. When we die in the physical our spirit man is separated from our flesh (our earth suit) and the decisions we made while we were alive affect where we end up living out eternity.
My spirit man, when I became born again was made new. However my soul/heart needs to be renewed daily. That means what I allow into its gates through my ears, my eyes, by what I touch and what comes out of my mouth must line up with the Word of God. This way my spirit and soul/heart can become on one accord. When they are not, the possibility for verbal accidents based in flesh to happen can seem unavoidable. For example, I have been called snappy on more than number of occasions, as it relates to my responses… snappy means briskly cold. Am I proud of it? No, it’s an area where I need to continue develop in. It’s an area where I can visualize my spirit man physically getting ill because it has to witness my soul/heart controlling how my body reacts to situations. Its base is fear…
Going back to the topic of this article, “Spiritual Vomit”; if you noticed above I made mention that our soul/heart is where our thinker, feeler, and chooser reside. So it is safe to say that if you think a certain way, and feel a certain way you will choose to do a certain action, right? Again hypothetically speaking, if I think on doing something for a while (mediate on it), I will begin to have strong feelings and eventually will choose to do it or because I have been mediating on it for so long, I will begin to act out on my thoughts by instinct. Think of a person that has learned to drive. After awhile the fact that in order to keep the car moving forward requires them to press their foot on the accelerator and hold onto the steering wheel to keep the car steady will become almost as instinctual as breathing.
The same can be said about a person and their attitudes towards others. If you think a particular way about a person, you will begin to feel also a particular way about them and so either way good, bad or indifferent will begin to treat them based on those feelings. When you see them your face may also read a different message to what you are actually saying. This scenario can also cause you to seem phony, not truthful to people because you are attempting to mask your feelings. I am not saying it’s ok either to go around telling people exactly how you truly feel, because it can be considered offensive. Depending on the delivery, the timing and the words you use… Trust me, I know. Choose your battles… However, I do recommend that you examine yourself before you react.
If you are not cautious with your words, you may even begin to make comments that reflect flesh based feelings. These little comments may seem accidental but are really what you are feeling in the city of your soul.
Usually what makes you angry is what you are afraid of. Or what annoys you, is what you have given power to trigger negative reactions from you. When my Pastor taught these two points a number of years ago it really hit home. What more than anything hit me is that I can choose how I react and what I react to. I have the ability to stop verbal slip ups from escaping my lips.
Now what are some of the repercussions of NOT purging your soul?
1) Lost relationships
2) Doors of opportunity being shut
3) Communication breakdown
Cheers to fewer clean ups in the aisle called you!
Reference Scriptures
John 6:63 (Amplified) It is the Spirit Who gives life [He is the Life-giver]; the flesh conveys no benefit whatever [there is no profit in it]. The words (truths) that I have been speaking to you are spirit and life.
Romans 8:1-7 (Amplified) 1THEREFORE, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit.(A)
2For the law of the Spirit of life [which is] in Christ Jesus [the law of our new being] has freed me from the law of sin and of death.
3For God has done what the Law could not do, [its power] being weakened by the flesh [[a]the entire nature of man without the Holy Spirit]. Sending His own Son in the guise of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, [God] condemned sin in the flesh [[b]subdued, overcame, [c]deprived it of its power over all who accept that sacrifice],(B)
4So that the righteous and just requirement of the Law might be fully met in us who live and move not in the ways of the flesh but in the ways of the Spirit [our lives governed not by the standards and according to the dictates of the flesh, but controlled by the Holy Spirit].
5For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and [d]pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and [e]seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.
6Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] is death [death that [f]comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever].
7[That is] because the mind of the flesh [with its carnal thoughts and purposes] is hostile to God, for it does not submit itself to God’s Law; indeed it cannot.
8So then those who are living the life of the flesh [catering to the appetites and impulses of their carnal nature] cannot please or satisfy God, or be acceptable to Him.
© 2011, Lela Jefferson. All rights reserved.
Totally random... So I have this love, really a lust relationship going on with Reese's peanut butter cups lately. Well, today I went to Kmart to pick up a few items and they had jumbo bags of them on sale for $2! In my weakness I picked up 2 bags and brought them to the office.
However, me and God are working on something in regards to my weight and making healthier choices when it comes to my eating habits...the gym is for another blog article 
Going back to the chocolate, instead of hoarding them in my desk drawer and slowly eating both bags over the course of a week, and feeling guilty for doing so, just because I got them on sale. I decided to share both bags with my co-workers and in the process made a few new buddies.
My point in sharing this little victory is that if you don’t take the time to calculate the cost of your actions, their price in the long run may inflate to a price beyond what you thought was originally a savings.
I was wrong with my initial intentions of buying the bags of candy. However in the end I was able to make a U-turn from the detour off the path of gaining more discipline in my life and in the process made more connections at my office vs. gaining extra pounds from a though delicious chocolate binge
© 2010, Lela Jefferson. All rights reserved.
Totally random thoughts this morning or maybe not; this past week I have been in self examination mode yet again. I purposely put in my schedule time to check my actions to see if they were lining up with the WORD of God or were beginning to be based in fear and just plain selfishness. Whenever I feel this happening it is a clear sign that I need to stop and recharge my spirit and body. Basically I needed to check my spiritual thermostat to see if I was running on empty, versus my overflow.
Areas I needed to examine were my volunteerism (spiritual employment), my relationships with people and my finances. Ultimately was I being moved or lead?
There is something most folks don’t get when they accept God’s call in serving HIS people. There is a heighten level of accountability and responsibility that goes along with it. That means you need to make sure that your actions are lining up to HIS Word.
It is not okay just to agree with the WORD of God or anything you purpose your mind to study you must engage it. Allow it to speak to you and change you from the inside out. Every leader (that means you) has responsibilities and is accountable to someone. You don’t believe me do something and watch what happens…
Did you enjoy this post? If yes, share and comment. Both are always welcome
© 2010, Lela Jefferson. All rights reserved.
The most important and awesome part about the experience is the opportunity came suddenly after a shocking self examination. What I realized was that I had been neglecting (in my prayer time) the topic of gaining new employment. In the natural, I was still being diligent calling my recruiters and applying for opportunities, reviewing my skill sets and working on clarifying my personal brand (online and offline.)
However, spiritually I had stopped thanking God for my new job in advance. On the flipside, I had begun studying and confessing over my business ventures. However, I needed to schedule more time for increase study including goal setting. I was lacking balance and once I realized that and corrected it; it was less than 24 hours that I received a phone call about this new opportunity!
All this was realized when the workaholic in me began to be decoded. Webster defines the word ”workaholic” as being a person that is a compulsive worker and one of the definitions for the word “decoded” means to discover the underlying meaning. The one thing that is powerful about prayer it is supposed to be a two way dialogue between you and God. When you take the time to stop talking it is amazing what God can drop into your spirit. For me, it was being shown why I had in the past always seemed so busy and why while I was working on projects, I was not able to close them out.
The Holy Spirit gently corrected and guided me through the process of an honest self assessment of how I had been managing my time.
- First I needed to be realistic with my schedule. Remembering to put God first. Giving him undivided time and focus; more than I had before.
- Not taking on new projects without first closing out current ones and consulting God in prayer about taking new ones.
- Re-learning how to and socializing offline with like minded people.
- Exploring my environment for new opportunities (neighborhood and community)
- Not second guessing when God has already given me peace in my spirit on projects that take me out of my comfort zone.
- Tapping into my personal networks, family, friends and former colleagues. I now have mentors not just supporters.
- Truly seeing my life and myself as God sees me as someone and something that is precious and worthy to be loved, shared and shown appreciation.
Now getting back to the topic of this article the decoding of a former workaholic, my life during the last year has become more balanced. Though my schedule on the outside looks fuller it is filled with manageable items.
No longer is work, my life it is a function or aspect of it. I truly know and trust that God is my source and by living a balanced life; I am giving him the greatest of me really for the first time. I know it is not his will to see me stressed out, cranky and snappy to those I love and care about.
Two questions I now constantly ask myself…
- How can my spirit yield when called upon by the Holy Spirit if it is stressed?
- Why should I hold onto concerns He/God has given me the okay to give to Him?
So as I continue to be decoded…
During the last four (4) or so months when most people I know have asked me the question “How I am doing.” I feel as if there is an 800 pound gorilla in the room. Like they are asking me however don’t care really or don’t want to hear the ‘real’ answer. Of course there are also the nosey ones that are waiting for me to say something is wrong with me. Or on the other hand because I have also been trying to put to words that don’t sound cliché when asked I say I am well or winning and scurry off. God is showing me how to have balance with that though so it has been getting better. I don’t scurry off as much :)
About a year ago I read the book Fail Forward by Dr. John C. Maxwell. A powerful book that teaches you to take each mistake or failure in your life and use it as a development tool; if you don’t when the same test or a similar one comes around you will fail it once again.
That is how I am looking at what happened to me four (4) months ago. I really have been in self examination mode, being honest with myself and others. I am making it my business to enter into true fellowship time with God, getting into his presence with praise and thanks giving and truly allowing him to speak and to heal me. I am not ashamed to say I have had nights where I couldn’t sleep and just cried out to him and after I got it all out… I sat there and just listened…. And listened some more.
Then when I would go to church my pastors or whomever they allowed to grace the pulpit just ministered to me on what I was going through. I would turn on the television and hear a message that spoke again to my situations… attend community group meetings (home bible studies) or music ministry rehearsals and again… be ministered to.
All this happened because I made a conscience decision to listen…to open up my spiritual ear. Now with all this self examination and being ministered to. I definitely did not start condemning myself, when I felt and saw good friends because they were not sure what was going on or were not sure how to ask me separate from me. I just got closer to God and he released me the freedom to write again one of my favorite old school style outlets, that for some reason four or five years ago I stopped using.
I also took to heart what my pastor Dr. Creflo Dollar had been telling us that we needed to get our houses in order…and that is where the self examination part came in. I took another look at my “I WILL…” statements for 2009 and saw some had been carryovers from the previous year. Not many, but some were and I started to aggressively work on those. They were all important areas as well too, dealing with relationships with family and friends, my finances and my health and well being.
I can joyfully say (with the knowledge of knowing) I am on track at making these areas and “I WILL …” statements not carry over into 2010. God has been redeeming years for me hand over fist with each conscience decision I make where his word is first and final authority in my life. I know I still have a ways to go…and am still a works in progress. However the key to that last statement is that I am in progress and taking what the world would see as a failure and using it as a development tool to move forward into God’s perfect will and purpose for my life.
Lela Jefferson - http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com & http://www.poetryofablackgirl.com