Four (4) months ago I was released from my last full-time position on good terms and you know what? I have never been more filled with joy because of it. Things happen for a reason. Of course our words, thoughts, emotions, decisions, actions, habits, and character ultimately get us to destinations, but it is up to us to be honest enough with ourselves to realize that.
During the last four (4) or so months when most people I know have asked me the question “How I am doing.” I feel as if there is an 800 pound gorilla in the room. Like they are asking me however don’t care really or don’t want to hear the ‘real’ answer. Of course there are also the nosey ones that are waiting for me to say something is wrong with me. Or on the other hand because I have also been trying to put to words that don’t sound cliché when asked I say I am well or winning and scurry off. God is showing me how to have balance with that though so it has been getting better. I don’t scurry off as much :)
About a year ago I read the book Fail Forward by Dr. John C. Maxwell. A powerful book that teaches you to take each mistake or failure in your life and use it as a development tool; if you don’t when the same test or a similar one comes around you will fail it once again.
That is how I am looking at what happened to me four (4) months ago. I really have been in self examination mode, being honest with myself and others. I am making it my business to enter into true fellowship time with God, getting into his presence with praise and thanks giving and truly allowing him to speak and to heal me. I am not ashamed to say I have had nights where I couldn’t sleep and just cried out to him and after I got it all out… I sat there and just listened…. And listened some more.
Then when I would go to church my pastors or whomever they allowed to grace the pulpit just ministered to me on what I was going through. I would turn on the television and hear a message that spoke again to my situations… attend community group meetings (home bible studies) or music ministry rehearsals and again… be ministered to.
All this happened because I made a conscience decision to listen…to open up my spiritual ear. Now with all this self examination and being ministered to. I definitely did not start condemning myself, when I felt and saw good friends because they were not sure what was going on or were not sure how to ask me separate from me. I just got closer to God and he released me the freedom to write again one of my favorite old school style outlets, that for some reason four or five years ago I stopped using.
I also took to heart what my pastor Dr. Creflo Dollar had been telling us that we needed to get our houses in order…and that is where the self examination part came in. I took another look at my “I WILL…” statements for 2009 and saw some had been carryovers from the previous year. Not many, but some were and I started to aggressively work on those. They were all important areas as well too, dealing with relationships with family and friends, my finances and my health and well being.
I can joyfully say (with the knowledge of knowing) I am on track at making these areas and “I WILL …” statements not carry over into 2010. God has been redeeming years for me hand over fist with each conscience decision I make where his word is first and final authority in my life. I know I still have a ways to go…and am still a works in progress. However the key to that last statement is that I am in progress and taking what the world would see as a failure and using it as a development tool to move forward into God’s perfect will and purpose for my life.
Lela Jefferson - http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com & http://www.poetryofablackgirl.com
During the last four (4) or so months when most people I know have asked me the question “How I am doing.” I feel as if there is an 800 pound gorilla in the room. Like they are asking me however don’t care really or don’t want to hear the ‘real’ answer. Of course there are also the nosey ones that are waiting for me to say something is wrong with me. Or on the other hand because I have also been trying to put to words that don’t sound cliché when asked I say I am well or winning and scurry off. God is showing me how to have balance with that though so it has been getting better. I don’t scurry off as much :)
About a year ago I read the book Fail Forward by Dr. John C. Maxwell. A powerful book that teaches you to take each mistake or failure in your life and use it as a development tool; if you don’t when the same test or a similar one comes around you will fail it once again.
That is how I am looking at what happened to me four (4) months ago. I really have been in self examination mode, being honest with myself and others. I am making it my business to enter into true fellowship time with God, getting into his presence with praise and thanks giving and truly allowing him to speak and to heal me. I am not ashamed to say I have had nights where I couldn’t sleep and just cried out to him and after I got it all out… I sat there and just listened…. And listened some more.
Then when I would go to church my pastors or whomever they allowed to grace the pulpit just ministered to me on what I was going through. I would turn on the television and hear a message that spoke again to my situations… attend community group meetings (home bible studies) or music ministry rehearsals and again… be ministered to.
All this happened because I made a conscience decision to listen…to open up my spiritual ear. Now with all this self examination and being ministered to. I definitely did not start condemning myself, when I felt and saw good friends because they were not sure what was going on or were not sure how to ask me separate from me. I just got closer to God and he released me the freedom to write again one of my favorite old school style outlets, that for some reason four or five years ago I stopped using.
I also took to heart what my pastor Dr. Creflo Dollar had been telling us that we needed to get our houses in order…and that is where the self examination part came in. I took another look at my “I WILL…” statements for 2009 and saw some had been carryovers from the previous year. Not many, but some were and I started to aggressively work on those. They were all important areas as well too, dealing with relationships with family and friends, my finances and my health and well being.
I can joyfully say (with the knowledge of knowing) I am on track at making these areas and “I WILL …” statements not carry over into 2010. God has been redeeming years for me hand over fist with each conscience decision I make where his word is first and final authority in my life. I know I still have a ways to go…and am still a works in progress. However the key to that last statement is that I am in progress and taking what the world would see as a failure and using it as a development tool to move forward into God’s perfect will and purpose for my life.
Lela Jefferson - http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com & http://www.poetryofablackgirl.com
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